I made a new livejournal and I am using it as an opportunity to delete some friends.

If I don't add you to my new one and leave a comment, please don't take offense.

I am making strides in my life to open up more and to learn to trust people and I don't do that very easily.

I most likely enjoyed your journal entries (in truth, I enjoyed all of them in your own way -- my lj friends are very diverse).

If you'd like to be added, though, please comment, because I will add you :)

There is something off about this story...can you figure out what it is?


( A short/humorous story I wrote )

Today, at the movies, I began cursing in French while standing in line to buy tickets for no reason whatsoever. I loved it.

Alright, so it's 2008. I need resolutions. Okay, okay I can do this.

Resolutions:
1. Find something to be happy about every single day of the year.
2. Write more (including post more)
3. Lose weight but come to terms with my body and my inner beauty
4. Go to London and have the time of my life with the most extraordinary person I know.

Things To Look Foward To
1. Getting into college
2. Graduating
3. Eurotrip (and him.)
4. Starting college
5. VOTING in a Presidential election

About once a day, I open up iJournal (my blogging application) and begin to write an entry. Within a few minutes, I delete it.

I don't know why, as I have SO much I want to express and let out, I think I need to change usernames. I don't think if this one embodies me anymore and it holds a lot of memories to things that don't apply to me anymore.

So...I guess I'm going to get a new livejournal soon, fresh start?

I'm not sure yet.

My dad having cancer has made him the most self-centered person on the face of this earth. He is literally incapable of acknowledging anyone else's problems at this point.

It's frustrating because sometimes I just need a DAD to tell me it's alright and comfort me. On this one episode of Grey's Anatomy (har har) this guy was sick and he had 5 kids. And the father was crying because he didn't want HIS kids seeing him sick. He said it wasn't "right."

Well, my dad doesn't see that at all. He begs me to keep coming to his house, so I can be his nurse. So I can make meals, clean things, carry things, pick up things, rush upstairs at the drop of a hat for whatever he needs. He's not even at the bad point of chemo, this is all preliminary stuff.

I know I sound like an ass, but it's like he expects me to be this loving daughter that I'm not with him.

I had the shittest week last week. I was deferred from my two top schools and I was really crushed after getting the second letter. Kids got caught at my school dance drinking on the 7th. I had to deal with shit all weke, rumors, questions, pestering, meeting. It was exhausting and it pissed me off. And FINALLY when I think we're getting somewhere, the administration decided to cancel our Winter Formal. When we had to announce it to the student body I was so frustrated I almost burst into tears (because of so much shit)

After that, I got home and got this AWFUL email about a parent who reviewed the play I directed (and the 4 others that went on that night). It was downright mean, over the line and overly critical. It sent me over the edge. I burst into tears and I just wanted someone to make me feel better.

And my dad doesn't know ANY of this (besides the schools -- but not how upset I was) because the moment I bring it up, it's about how much worse his week has been and how worse his life is and how I HAVE TO BE HIS FUCKING NURSE.

I'm sorry dad, but having cancer doesn't fix 7 years of pent up anger against you. I know your sick, but this illness has just become an excuse for your bad temper, your flare ups, your self-centered behavior. It's such a greater indication of your personality and no one fucking sees it!

I fucking hate this bullshit.

NO!

NO!

I woke up an hour early because my alarm fucked up. I showered in a daze. So unfair.

This is bulllllshit! :(

Coincidence? I think not!

my birthday sucked